high people should be assigned attendants
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Success! We fucked roommates!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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