did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize