I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize