watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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