first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
