oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
