tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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