I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
