Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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