Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
