What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
