Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
