i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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