I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize