Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
