I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
