Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
