I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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