I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
