THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
