just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
