We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how drunk are you?
Several
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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