can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
