And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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