found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
