i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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