I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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