Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
