This is not my ceiling
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
