I hate your face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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