If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
