He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i now understand why vodka
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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