Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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