Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
