He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize