Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
