My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
