Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
