everyone is single if you try hard enough
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
