I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
