Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
