well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
