it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
