I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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