It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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