i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My vagina just clenched in fear
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize