Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
