drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
