Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
