when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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