Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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