Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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