You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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