Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are we still banned from the library?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
