yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
