The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
