I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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