i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
