Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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