I wish I only lived at night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
