That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
