If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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