So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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