you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So vagazzling was a success
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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