Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
