if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
