can we get nightvision for the apartment?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
