I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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