I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
