loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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