i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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