I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
