Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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