I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
