i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
