Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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