Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i out mim tonsoeep
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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