Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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