I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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