Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
